Crying Over Milk

Standard

I’m so sad to say that I’ve had to stop nursing Lilah. It’s been so sad. I’ve struggled with my milk supply for the whole 6 months and I’ve done almost everything to increase my supply. I rented a hospital grade pump and used that for a long time and I power pumped almost every night for months. I then started using domperidone. It really helped my supply but then I started getting heart arrhythmias because of it.  So that was a little scary and we decided that I’d better stop using it and not risk my health. When I stopped using it, my supply dropped a lot and now I am almost done. I started taking the mother’s milk supplement, more milk special blend. That was really good and I wish that I would have started with that instead of the domperidone. After the domperidone, I was really too low on my supply for it to work.

It breaks my heart because nursing my baby was one of my big dreams in life. I wanted to go until next April (16 months) to get her through next winter but I didn’t make it. I did make it 6 months though, so I’m happy about that. I’m really grateful for the time that I was able to nurse Lilah. I’m really going to miss it. I bonded so much with her through breastfeeding and I feel bad that she can’t benefit from that anymore. I feel a little guilty about stopping but it’s so hard to try to nurse her with such a low supply and to do the bottles because Lilah gets so frustrated and I never know when I need to feed her. I think that it will be easier for her to just do all bottles.

There are a lot of things that I’ll do differently the next time. I will definitely pump a ton for the first few weeks to get a good supply established and if my next baby sleeps through the night so early, I’ll pump more at night. I wish that I would have known that this time around but oh, well. Sad day. I’ve cried a lot about it. It was really important to me, but the most important thing is that Lilah is healthy and she is. She is healthy and happy and for that I know that I am SO blessed! We are trying to figure out our new schedule with the bottles and solid foods.We’ll get there. I wish that motherhood came with a manual on exactly how to do everything. That would be nice, because I feel like I am winging it and most of the time I don’t really know what I’m doing. Can someone please make that manual for me? Thanks!

Even though I don’t know what to do all of the time, this still has been the best 6 months of my whole life. I LOVE YOU, LILAH! You are so special to your Daddy and me! You mean the world to us!! We are so proud of you!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s