All that I talk about lately (and post about) is about being a mom. Sorry, but I can’t help it. It is the best thing ever! I love being a mom so much. I love to watch my sweet baby grow. I treasure her smiles and giggles. Every morning, she wakes up with a big smile for me. I can’t believe that I made her! Being a mom is definately my greatest accomplishment. Lilah melts my heart. I love her pouty lip. When someone holds her that she doesn’t know, she has the poutiest face. It’s so funny. I love when she rolls from her tummy to her back. She doesn’t even seem to know what she’s done, but when I cheer for her she seems so proud of herself and she seems to realize that she did something cool. It’s cute. I love her crazy hair. She’s bald on the top and now has a bald patch on the back. It’s so cute. I don’t want to admit how much I’ve spent on headbands. Her hair in the back and on the sides is about 3 inches long. It’s so cute. I love that some people think that she looks just like me. My family think that she looks just like Matt but his family thinks that she looks just like me. She has Matt’s nose. She has my body type, my face shape, my eyes and my lips. She has Matt’s hair. Matt’s baby pictures show that he also had that funny male pattern baldness hair when he was a baby. Haha! It’s exactly the same. Her hair is straight like Matt’s.
I’m so grateful for this opportunity. I worry so much about everything. I need to have more faith. I always worry that the worst case scenario will happen, but then things turn out so great and I am incredibly grateful that things have turned out so well. Heavenly Father has blessed my life so much. It would kill me if anything ever happened to Matt or to Lilah. I’m so protective and I love them more than words can say. Matt and Lilah are my best friends in the whole world. My life is so meaningful because of them. I just need to trust God more and trust that He has a plan for me and for my family. I know that I can be with them forever, even after this life ends. I want to be with them forever. Heaven wouldn’t be Heaven if they weren’t there.
Tonight, I’m at work and I’m taking care of a sick little one. She’s beautiful and she looks like Lilah. It breaks my heart. Being a mom has definately helped me to become a better and more compassionate nurse. My heart hurts for these babies and their parents. My capacity to love and my capacity to empathize has increased from being a mom. My worst fear is their reality and I feel for them. I do all that I can so that I can make their baby comfortable and ease the worry that they may be feeling. I try to take care of the baby as I would Lilah if she were in his/her place. Having a job like this is such a blessing. It’s hard enough to leave Lilah to go to work but it would be harder to leave her if I were doing a job that I hated. I love my job and I feel that it’s one of my life’s callings to be a NICU nurse. My patriarchal blessing says that I will be doing the Lord’s work for my career. I know that’s true. I am doing God’s work and as my husband put it in a blessing that he gave me recently, I can be a living angel to my babies here in the NICU.