I’ve been dreading this day for 3 months. Don’t get me wrong. I have always loved my job as a NICU nurse, but it was very, very hard to leave my sweet baby tonight. Tonight is my first shift back at work since the baby was born. It’s been a rough shift and a difficult assignment, not to mention that it’s hard to be away from Bug. I want so much to stay home with her forever. I’m so lucky that I have family members who can help watch her. Grandma Thorup and Oma will watch her for us occasionally until she can start to crawl and walk and then we’ll have to find a daycare. I’m so grateful for their love for Lilah. Grandma Thorup and Oma are a huge help to us! Matt does so great with Lilah too. It’s not a matter of me trusting other people to take care of her, but it’s just that I want to take care of her and never leave her.
This afternoon, while holding Lilah, I was crying and praying that everything would be alright and when I opened my eyes, my adorable baby girl was smiling so sweetly at me, filled with such love for me. I was a mess and in tears but she was so happy and that was an answer to my prayer. That was the highlight of my day. I’ve never been apart from her for more than a couple of hours. It was really hard to leave her tonight and put her in the swing so I could leave for work.
I love Lilah so much and I’m very grateful for an amazing husband who takes such good care of us. He is so great with Lilah and he always wants to be involved. I’m glad that he’s taking care of her tonight. He’s jealous that I was able to stay home and bond with her for 3 months. He loves her so much. He’s been great at feeding her a bottle every night and helping bathe her and put her to bed. It’s the best part of his day. Matt has been working so hard at his job with Discover Financial. He also is taking a really hard class this semester and trying to juggle it all. He’s an amazing man and I’m grateful that he’s my husband and Lilah’s dad. Last night, I woke up because I thought that I heard someone in the house. I woke up Matt and he went to check. He’s so brave and I feel so safe with him. It turned out to be nothing. Thank goodness. But I was so amazed by Matt. He will always protect us.
I love my family more than I know how to express with words. We aren’t perfect but we sure love each other and we are trying to be our best. We fall short a lot (not Lilah . . . she’s still perfect!), but that is all part of the journey.
We took Lilah to church for the first time last Sunday. Everyone said that she was so adorable and commented on her cute petite features. Everyone thinks that she’s so small but she is really just right. She’s getting big so fast! She rolled over this week!!! From her front to her back. She did it a bunch of times. We are so proud. She’s also starting to grasp things and laugh. It’s really cute. She still loves to bat at her toys and kick her feet. She doesn’t love tummy time for too long but we try. I love having her sleep in our room. I want to always be close to her. She takes naps on me a lot when I’m carrying her in the MOBY. It’s the best.
The one good thing about working tonight is that I have time to think about how blessed I am. I’m glad that I have a husband and a healthy baby to miss. I’m so thankful to Heavenly Father for my life. It’s not always easy, but I know that God will never abandon me and that great things are to come.